Dissapointment

Optimists live longer but pessimists live happier.


I'm an eternal optimists and I hate it, becuase I hope and hope and hope and always hope and all for nothing becuase my hope always dies, not with a whimper but with a bang. It doesnt slowly fade out, it doesnt die out, it fucking explodes, it blows up right up in my face, all the time, and whats worse, I know it's going to explode and I never run. Why? Becuase I'm hopeful, Im stupid. I don't accept truth when I see it, I dont understand what the silent stares mean, what the helpful hands mean, and why they wont ever look at me and why they stare at me like crazy. Or maybe I do, but I dont accept it, the little girl in me, the little girl that's still me, tells me "But you can do it" and I believe her everytime, I see your poems and I read their stories about trying and trying and never giving up hope and that's what I follow becuase its nice to think that I can try and try and do anything under the stars.




I saw a dream where I was on stage, I was by myself and I was speaking, but it didnt matter what I was saying becuase the lights were on me and the rest of the world was in darkness, and I was talking, I was dreaming, I was crying, and I couldn't stop because I was so in love with the world.
That dream died today.