1979

I was listening to 1979 today and all of a sudden I remembered you. It was the weirdest thing in the world because, you know, I've all but forgotten about you, I hardly ever think of you anymore, and then suddenly boom, all of a sudden you were there, you and all that we talked about, all that we felt, all that we did, all those times all rushing through my head within the first stanza of that song. It's funny how certain things remind you of others. Like how I so strongly got reminded of you by that song just because you once had it in your favorite videos list. Or maybe this has nothing to do with you liking this song, maybe it was just the power of the song, maybe I just listened to it and it was so deep that it brought back memories that I had forgotten existed. And then I thought that I would be mean and post this on a place where you could read it, but then I thought no, I've been too heartless already, you dont deserve it. Ive thought about writing about you before, about us, but I never knew what to write, and I still dont know, because right now Im not really writing about you or me or anybody, but Im just making excuses for myself, I'm trying to get you to understand that I feel bad for what I did, not the"Im so sorry" kind of bad but the real kind of bad where you feel eaten up every time you think of what you did. And so I don't think of it. I dont let anyone see that I have guilt inside, not even myself. It's amazing how a simple song can make you come out with things so deeply embedded inside you, things you never thought you'd let out.

I just dont want you to hate me.